Welding day

It's been weeks now, since i last update this. SOOO much had happened, to list them all here, i think not. Let me just highlight a few. Last Chinese New Year holidays, i went to KL to visit my bro and also went to Genting Highlands with my bro and some friends. Quite exciting i guess. Tried a few games which i didn't during my previous trip. Kinda enjoyed this trip so much. But unfortunately, some of my friends which i would like them to be there, were not there. Maybe next time eh? My family was not also there. Kinda a sad thing for me too. I would really love to have both my family and friends together enjoying the time. Pretty greedy, aren't I?

Oh ya! Now, i certainly hate this someone SOOO much, it's as if i would like to say it straight to his face. In my entire life, i have never regret knowing anyone, but knowing this moron, i certainly am. Such a rude, bad mannered person who thinks he's always right and urgh!! Seriously, this was my biggest mistake to ever let myself befriend with such creature. I told a friend of mine that normally i would go easy on them after a while. But believe me, not this time. I was just trying to be nice, to be fun and i thought i was doing him a favour. Yet, no one appreciates that. He even backfired me. Now i will be that someone who he always thought i was. I'm just trying to be nice. =P

Well, all of sudden, it seems to me that evil is clouding here. Hahaha. Guess i should stop. I'm nice if you're nice. Don't get me wrong. If we've been friends for a while, don't question on that, i am what i have always been. :)

By the way, what's welding has got to do with all of these?Today i have manufacturing technology lab from 11 to 3 pm. Very tiring i would say. I was doing a welding process, can you believe that? Before this, not a day goes by that i'm thinking that i'll be doing such things. Previously, i saw my dad and my uncle doing welding at home. I never thought i would be doing the same thing this time. I can't wait to tell my dad.

It feels so strange but it's alright

"It feels so strange but it's alright". One phrase from Teddy Geiger's song, Possibilities. I was sms-ing with my sis earlier tonight. I heard my dad is having cough at the moment. Kinda worried, but hope he gets well soon. I just remembered, it's been days since i last called home. I really miss home now. Even my mum was wondering why i didn't call for so long, according to my sis. Miss how i spent my days doing nothing at home, worrying nothing at all, watching tv series with my mum, staying late at night with my sis watching late night movies and karaoke-ing. Boring you may say, but you'll not feel how i felt until you feel it yourself. When things suddenly change thoroughly, there's a part in me that still wants to be unchanged, but somehow, the other part pulls everything back to reality. Next week, I shall go to KL and stay a few days with my bro. Guess that will ease a little bit of my homesickness. And in about a month, I'll be home for a week, my mid sem break.

There are certain things in life that i wish i could lend my hand. However, right now, what i can do is just to look from afar and do nothing. I wish there is something i could do to lighten things up, really. Just looking and knowing the fact that i can do nothing to help, really breaks my heart. What i need to do now is trying my best not to interfere and make things worse. But i know, someday, somewhere, i will definitely be able to do what i must do. It's been really long since I saw huge, honest smiles and laughter.

What a night!

Before perusing my schedule, I actually thought my night would be my usual night where i spent it watching movies while chatting about anything with friends. But, it turned out to be the opposite. There were too much work to be done. To make matter worse, everything is due tomorrow. Manufacturing Technology, Vector Calculus, oh man. I can hardly master these subjects. However, I finished a thing or two, but not completely, still blanks here and there. Though i was busy, at least, something useful is going on. Not a day goes by since i came back that i make full use of the night doing homeworks. Luckily tonight is the night.

Earlier, went out with Tasha and the gang. The majority was girls of course, only 3 males around. It was just alright. It's been far too long since i hang out with them.

Hey, "I'm with you" is on air now. Gosh, this song brings me to a moment where too many things, sad and happy, happened. Full of memories. I wish i could just turn back the time and fix whatever that went wrong at that moment. If i could, definitely today would be different. But hey, i've moved on now, yeah, that's for sure. No more regretting, No more looking back. It has already happened, nothing can be done now. It was so yesterday. I need to think about today and also tomorrow. That's more important.

Well, i think i need to end tonight. My eyes won't be able to hold on anymore.

February, here you are!

Just a few moments ago, i try to sleep but my eyes doesn't seem to be tired. Only my head is tired after spending the entire day on Thermodynamics Chapter 1. Well, not exactly the whole day,considering i woke up at 11 a.m and went to lunch and did other stuff, it was only at 3 i tried to open the book and revise. But can you believe how slow my pace is?Chapter 1 for goodness sake. What took me so long i wonder? I was kinda feeling regret because i just threw my weekends doing useless stuff. If I had known there was going to be a lot of work to be done, well, i knew about it actually, alright, let me rephrase, If I had realised how important time is, I would have spent it doing what need to be done first, then continue with my useless actvities. Well, people always say, "Nasi sudah jadi bubur". No use of regretting, i know. But I just wanna write something here, okay.

Wow, the clock has just strucked 2 a.m. It kinda spooked me off you know, because my notebook has this speaking clock, which will mention the exact time every hour with a big ben sound. It's kinda cool at first, but when it suddenly pops out with a sound, in the middle of a quiet,cold night, it sounds spooky to me. I was just finished printing my lecture material of IMSE for tomorrow - Chapter 4. I thought of looking through Chapter 3 tonight as I need to make the summary and hand it over tomorrow. But like i said, my head is jammed. I guess i need to postpone it until tomorrow, which i know will be more difficult since there will be more tonnes of work waiting. Well, that's life i guess. Who say's studying is easy? I don't think so. It takes great guts to put up myself with studies.

I've just realized that engineering is not something i enjoy the most. Well, i sort of knew about it earlier before, but hey, there's nothing i can do. This field offers me scholarship, and great job opportunity. What is there to reject? I guess follow your dreams isn't always the best thing to do. I need to consider the circumstances around me. I can't afford to pay myself for any education i like. I would have to wait for scholarships. And whichever offers scholarship, that's the place i'll be going. Sometimes, you can't always chase your dreams. You just have to do what is best for you, though it means you have to sacrifice what you enjoy the most and doing things that you don't really favour. That's about life i guess. Life is simple, it's just not easy. What i need to do now is make the best of what i have now, hoping that someday i would have the chance to fulfill my own dreams.

Lesson learnt, i guess

I suppose that when you hate someone, that's it. There's no more turning back. Whatever the person you hate trying to do good things to you, you'll never accept it. Because in your head, "I hate him/her". Everything else doesn't matter anymore. It's so amazing for me to see such hatred could turn something so precious into something so filthy. Now, I came to realize that even just one single mistaken gesture could turn everything upside down. Silly mistake i could say. But what can i do. Tried my best to ease it but it seems to me that it's not working at all. Guess considered it lesson learnt.

Earlier today, my sis introduced me to this one new song by Agnes Monica - Tanpa Kekasihku. I've always admired the way Agnes projected her voice. Such a strong and powerful voice and yet, she controls it so well. Two thumbs up for Agnes. Not just her voice, but i guess her songs have always been very catchy and can be easily remembered. There's something charming about the songs she sang. My sis really know me so well. She knows whenever a song really suit my taste. Guess being a brother to her for almost 20 years worth the while.

Today is an improvement from yesterday. My mood to study suddenly grows stronger but not strong enough to actually be in a comfortable state to study. Though i managed to finish one chapter and i'm totally ready for tomorrow's class. Talking about tomorrow, i will have a few things to be done, regarding lab session and registration. I wish i have a car, so that i don't need to worry of walking hours just to get to the place.

Tired

I don't know why but eversince i came back for the new semester, i just don't feel the way i used to feel when i came back during my foundation year. Everything now seems so dull and boring. It seems to me that a new semester only reminds me of how tired i am going to be to struggle for the semester. As the day goes by, my feeling of homesick grows stronger. I know i should have not felt this way. This is my future i'm putting on risk. I know someday i'll might look back and laugh at what i wrote today.

And today, i don't have the mood to revise on anything. What i just did was printing all learning materials and updating my schedule and all stuff like that, which doesn't require me to think at all. Sometimes, i do feel i like doing this kind of stuff, i mean the stuff like wrapping up my books, refilling my printer ink, arranging my books, etc. But of course i don't intend to make these as my future career. I think I want to gather a friend or two just to have a study partner or you can call it a study group. Perhaps it will help the situation better, i suppose.

Talking about friends. Recently, i've realized that most of my good friends are females. I'm not sure why but my relationships with females last longer than with males, i mean in terms of friendships. Maybe it's human nature i guess, the opposite always matches well. But i can't deny that i have good relationships with males too but very few, only the few that really suits me. I hope it will last forever though.

Hurt

This song which i'm listening to right now, over and over again, sort of touches my deepest heart. Hurt by Christina Aguilera really brings out the song in a way i couldn't describe. Words alone can't describe it. The way she breathes every word is so melodic and endearing. I wish i could sing just as good as she is. At some point, most of her songs sort of suits me really well. Though i definitely couldn't sing exactly like her, but rhyming her song brings the comfortable feeling to my voice. It just feel so right. I don't know what's that supposed to meab anyway. Apart from this particular song, her previous hit, Beautiful, was a good one too. Everytime i listens to the song, it brings me back to whenever year or moment when the song was a hit. It makes me remember or i can say, took me a glimpse through whatever that had happened during that time. I admit there are many sweet and bitter memories which i know i should just let it go, which i will.

Let it go. Just three simple word. But to do it just the way the word describe it may turn out to be the opposite. So simple, yet so complicated. I don't know what did i do to deserve what i get today. The mistake, the same mistake, keep on repeating over and over again. When the first time happened, i should have learnt from it. Instead, I did it again. To turn back the time is impossible. To forget and leave the mistake behind is barely possible. Though everything now seems okay to everyone, deep down in my heart, there's a part of me which i couldn't let go. I still want to but it seems possible. Knowing the fact that i might have screwed it before, i might not stand any chance. I want to forget but i just couldn't. Everytime i thought i moved on, then they came back again. I can't pretend forever. I must find a way to deal with this.

It seems now i don't know where or who should i turn to whenever i want to. I guess this blog is my best companion. Though you can only listen, i still appreciate that. I wish you could speak so that you will give me good advise. I can't think of anyone who i can really really trust right now. Though there's a few, i'm not sure whether they are willing to hear to all my whining. Will they understand me and accept me?I guess we'll never know. I hope when the time comes, there will be someone to hope.